The Real; The Fake; The Ups and The Low-downs

I believe this is a stage that most bloggers will encounter. More so if you are blogging about your young children. You start questioning if your blog is 1) relevant; 2) too fake; too impersonal; 3) too real; too dangerous.

I have been blogging since 2009; on and off but more regularly so during the last 2 years when I joined the Singapore Mom Bloggers (SMB) group. My interest in blogging was piqued by my cousin who had a blog and shared interesting motherhood and education details about her daughter. I was facing an extremely difficult first pregnancy then and besides my hubby (and God); no one else seemed to be able to understand what we were going through. I started the blog partly out of boredom (being confined to bed rest) and a desire to find an outlet to express my thoughts. 5 years ago, the usage of smart phones weren’t as rampant as now and thus the idea of social media platforms were not as widely utilised too. Blogs were more “in” then. 🙂

Fast forward 5 years on, this blog had documented another challenging 2nd pregnancy and another miraculous birth of my 2nd boy. I am also blessed with opportunities to review products/attend events especially after joining SMB. One of my colleagues asked me if I am a “semi-famous blogger”! haaa.. I like that honesty. I am not famous; let alone “semi-famous” just because of advertorial activities. The aim of this blog had never changed and it is to provide an avenue of encouragement, empathy and sharing with mummies who might be going through difficult pregnancies; especially with PPROM conditions. It is a quiet objective working its way in a few moms-to-be lives which I had came across these 5 years. PPROM is a condition not commonly encountered in the Asia region and thus support is less available. I have women contacting me via my blog/emails to share about their predicament and we try to share notes and encouragement through the cyberspace. I have never met most of these women; but my heart ache every single time I received an email searching for answers and help. I was in their shoes before and I know it takes another who went through it to cry, to feel and to pray with them. The emotional struggles often outweigh the physical discomfort. Majority of these babies made it to preterm births; but yes, there are those who did not. There is no nicer way to put this; except it’s the truth. Whenever one such lady lost contact with me, I won’t pursue the contact either; because I know they need time and my experiences might not be relevant anymore. Times like this made me hug my boys tighter; give them extra kisses because I know they are miracles in our lives which we are extremely thankful for.

Dr Seuss

Putting the tears aside, this blog had seen happy times too! The many milestones my boys went through; their funny antics and our growing journey with them. Sometimes I am worried about the danger of putting them too much in the dangerous world of internet crimes. Hmmm…. too much concerns might lead to no action. But I try to practise some safety measures; e.g. sometimes an instagram photo is from yesterday and not where we are exactly at that moment. Unless there is requirement to blog/share from immediate locations, I try not to do so till we are almost leaving the place or already left.

There had been a series of blogs in the blogging sphere discussing about the “real life” behind the smiley faces in blogs. I asked my hubby this question just a few days back: “Is my blogging persona similar to my real-life persona?” Without any hesitation, he said “No; you are quite different in both lives”. *Ouch* Though I know to a certain extent I am different in “reel life” vs “real life”, to hear it said in your face, it is like a slap on your face huh? But the smarter hubby went on to elaborate (and maybe do some damage control!) that most, if not all bloggers will only share certain portions of their lives; not every single details. Most will share only areas which they are comfortable in sharing. For example, my hubby is an extremely private person and in respect for that, I choose not to share (too much) of him and us on the blog or social media. Sometimes (teasingly of course) I used it as threats towards him if he said or do something unkind to me or the situation. “That which you said is going on Facebook!” hahhaa.. For the records, It worked as a tease but not on quarrels-mode. 😛

The “chameleon nature” of a woman; don’t ruff her feathers! hehehe.

Gif of me

The smarter hubby also shared that many messages are similar/the same. It’s the way it is presented that will attract attention, readership and support. For example during the U.S. election, Obama and Mccain both wanted the same thing for U.S. But if you listen to both men’s speeches, one cannot deny that Obama is much more engaging and captivating vs a boring; pragmatic Mccain. That’s the power of charisma in my opinion. No one wants to listen to a boring speech; likewise on one likes to read boring blogs just sharing run-of-the-mill stories. And that’s how “unreality” sometimes set in. My life is not that interesting; just a mommy running after 2 boys and trying to juggle a work-family-life balance. But what make it interesting is the experiences I went through while finding a foothold in that balance beam. It is not that rosy pictures always; but I prefer to send across messages of hope, peace and life rather than chaos and doomsday. Just like most mommies, I face struggles and challenges in marriage, society, bringing children, extended family relations, church-life and more. But to publicly put those struggles on the blog is something I still struggle with today. Till my “smarter” hubby reminded me that no matter how “real” a blogger looks like on a blog, there are private things/moments which one does not readily want to share and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, the blogging/social media persona might be a way to hide the real person. I have met bloggers whom I thought are “atas”; proud and inconsiderate of others’ feelings but in real person, they are just harmless commoners like me and you who might just need a little assurance or security. Similarly, I met those who I thought are “colourful” and full of ideas on their blogs, but in real person, they look so cold and unapproachable. :S

But then again, many people’s first impression of me is that I look conceited and is a proud person (at least my one person thinks that way: my hubby!). But give me a chance lah; most whom I count as close friends will know that I warm up easily after the ice is broken and you might not be able to stop me from yakking (and gesticulating) nonstop!

This is part of a musing going through my restless mind; nothing super concrete. Just part of me trying to refocus on objective of blogging; this blog and trying to brush up on my writing skills too. If you happened to bump into us on the street, please do say Hi or a virtual “hi” is very welcomed too. 🙂 I promise a smile and a handshake ok! Encouragement works both ways ya; bloggers need some little dosages of it too! 🙂 

Balance

10 thoughts on “The Real; The Fake; The Ups and The Low-downs

  1. I’ve not met you in person but I’ve always thought you’re very warm and friendly, not conceited at all! I can identify with the part about how real do we allow ourselves to be on the blog. It’s a constant issue for me in this blogging journey. How much to share, how real, how open do I want to be? I think for me, I choose not to be too open online. I’ve stopped posting on Facebook too, for months! Somehow, social media has changed the way we relate to people. The more ‘connected’ we are online, the more disconnected we feel… or is that just me?

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  2. Hi Eve

    I happened to chance upon your blog while reading Ing’s post. And yes, thank you for sharing your amazing story on PPROM. It made quite an impact on me especially with the spotting and familiar CTG monitoring for my second pregnancy. Your story has reminded me to keep believing that God is control of everything, and that we can leave our fears and anxieties to Him. 🙂

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    • Hi Hannah’s mummy! (Sorry, I couldn’t find your name on your blog not sign-off!) (maybe ‘cos I am using a phone to reply). 🙂

      Thank u for dropping a note & congrats on your 2nd pregnancy! I totally salute SAHM & homeschooling mommies! It’s amazing how you mommies have the patience to homeschool while coping with so many other stuff at the same time!
      You are right in trusting God; esp so when we are at our wits end. Will be praying for protection for your little one. 🙂 take care & jia u!

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  3. Hello Eve! hehe. I still remember when I first met you at the YL sharing session, wasn’t quite sure if we’ll click but alas we did and thanks for always being so nice to offer a ride and being so warm whenever we meet 🙂 I can identify with the way you feel in this post because that’s how I’ve been feeling most of the time of late. I’m going through another major change in my life yet afraid to share too much for fear of it backfiring. Yet on the other hand i feel like if I don’t share, I won’t challenge myself to achieve my goals. I feel like I ain’t portraying a “true fraction” of how I’m really feeling. And then I end up just neglecting the blog. Haha. You’re right. I used to wonder why some bloggers seem to lead such lovely lives and why I had the exact opposite. And then I started to realize through some articles that the truth about social media is that most people tend to post what they’re comfortable with and how no one really want to spend all that time reading about someone’s negative outlook time and again (great example your hubby provided with U.S election :D) because it’s easy to feel that way most of the time hence we always tend to “like” inspiration articles don’t we?
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this post and hope to be able to see you around (in person) soon.

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    • Hi Natasha! 🙂
      Hey, thanks for leaving a frank comment here. I can identify with u about the “neglecting blog” part. When I go thru certain stuff which I am not prepared to share “out-there” yet… I tend to clam up & stop writing any blog entries too. 😅
      Guess it’s part of us growing up with our blogs too. My blogging style change with me going thru various life experiences too.
      Jia u on your “adventure” now! 🙂
      P.s: no one will have any heart to leave a Preggy on the street in the rain lah!! Jus doing what most will do – send the Preggy home! Haa 🙂
      See u around ! Have a safe delivery soon. :))

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  4. I know what you mean. It’s a dilemma and sometimes you find yourself having split personality online and offline. We do hold back some private details and not too fond of airing too much laundry in public. I think we stick to some personal rules as bloggers. But one thing for sure, we blog with sincerity and our emotions are true 🙂

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    • Hi Christy,
      Yes – u are quite right on the spilt personality part. But I realised that is quite normal too. I am probably different in front of my family members vs acquaintances. 😁
      But with every blog post, it is written with sincerity & real emotions & I certainly hope it is “delivered” correctly. 😅

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